EXCLUSIVE: Vandana Sajnani Khattar opens up on her excruciating journey of failed pregnancies, surrogacies and postpartum depression
Back in 2019, Vandana Sajnani welcomed her first child with her husband Rajesh Khattar after 11 years of marriage. The couple was blessed with a child after 3 miscarriages, 3 IVFs, 3 IUIs & 3 surrogacy failures. Vandana and Rajesh’s journey to embrace parenthood was full of trials and turmoil. In an exclusive chat with Bollywood Bubble, Vandana opened up on her excruciating journey of failed pregnancies, surrogacies and postpartum depression.
After going through 3 miscarriages, 3 IVFs, 3 IUIs & 3 surrogacy failures, we asked Vandana what kept her going. Sharing about her painful journey to embrace motherhood and what kept her going, the actress said, “I was 18 if I remember right. I won Miss Mumbai (1995). My winning answer was also in fact that ‘I just wanted to be a mother’. So motherhood was something I really wanted to experience. And it happened naturally that I got married and in the same year I got pregnant. So mujhe laga wow itna aasaan hai (I thought wow it’s so easy?). I was very happy. I reached till five months and I had my first miscarriage. I was told there’s no heartbeat. And it went on. I tried again next year. Again I got pregnant, again I lost my Baby. And it went on at least four times. The fourth one was not really to be considered because it was within a month. I am not young I married at 34. But I said come what may I won’t give up. Let me try various modern techniques science has improved. And I said agar naturally nahi ho raha hai for whatever reasons like I didn’t even know what is the reason. I never really consulted anybody. I thought pregnancy was easy but I was wrong. It took a toll on my health because at that point I was actively working too. I had to kind of announce in my television shows like ‘Bhai haar chadha do’ (kill my character) I don’t want to lose this one at all. That was my second one(pregnancy). The first one was very smooth till five months. During the second one, you know the fear takes over and you don’t want to take chance. At that point, I was pretty much in the show very active and I said ‘No I am not going to work. I going to sit up and will take care of myself but as destiny had it it wasn’t meant to be. After those miscarriages, I took a gap. I completely stopped trying. Then I went to IVF, IUI and all of that you know. And every time I did it I just felt ‘God just be kind. Just give me that one chance to be a mother’. But no, every time I failed and failed and failed. And they told me that you know after 30 aap ko eggs freeze karne chahiye the (you should have freezer your eggs after 30). I asked, ‘What is that? What’s eggs freezing?”
After several unsuccessful attempts, Vandana went into depression. “When I had 3-4 failed IVFs and IUIs, I just went into depression and I just said ‘Mujhe kuch nahi chahiye’. And my husband was like ‘It is affecting you. You might just get into depression which is probably going to be very bad for you. And think hai nahi hai toh nahi hai. It’s fine.’ I said okay we will adopt. He was like ‘It’s okay you just take care of yourself. We will travel the world. We will just have a good time. You have your nephews. My sister’s sons are pretty much like my own kids. And I said, ‘Woh toh thik hai. Maasi toh hu main. Maa jaisi hu lekin mujhe maa bhi banna hai,” she shared.
You can check out the entire interview below:
Watching Vandana in her depressed state was not easy for her friends and loved ones. Sharing about her loved one’s reaction to her state the actress said, “I am the bubbliest person, laughing, joking, dancing, I am just like the Madhuri Dixit fo the group just dancing at any given song. So for my friends to see me low, upset and down and out they just couldn’t handle it. They were like ‘our babies are your babies. Vandy what are you doing? Stop trying’. But I kept on trying again and again. And then I gave up. The first call I got for Dil Dhadakne Do I just picked it up and said ‘I am on’. And it was like one-month International outdoor shoot. But I said I am just getting away because my body had taken a turmoil because for every IVF you are taking about 40 injections on your own. You do it yourself. It’s so mechanical. So you put on 10-12 kgs. So I said I need a break. Later I said now I am ready but not on myself. I will try surrogacy. And sadly none of the surrogacy worked. I used to go to all these religious places and would only pray for a baby.”
The couple later thought of adoption as another option. “I told Rajesh I just want to try one more time and if this time it doesn’t happen. I am going to adopt. Initially, he wasn’t in the favour of adoption because he knew his age and my age combined together we will not get a small baby. We will get somebody like 12-13-year-old. It’s not an impressionable mind you know. We cannot just create maternal and paternal feelings for that child. I badly wanted a baby girl, and one day the adoption centre replied that you will get 14-year-old girl but it will take 4-5 months because of the paperwork. I said fine that’s okay.”
It was nothing short of a miracle when Vandana tried IVF one last time and she succeeded. “Then I tried one last IVF and I was successful. I don’t know how to react. Then I got the news that it was twins. So I was like ‘Twins and now. Matlab ek sath Jackpot mil gaya’. Then a new journey started. My doctor said ‘Your uterus lining is very weak. As you are carrying two babies you cannot risk it. We have to tie up your uterus and put you on bed with your legs up tied in the air.’ And I wasn’t even allowed to move at all not even to go washroom. I said ‘I’m ready for it’.”